Today was one of the hardest days of my life Ryan. It all still seems so surreal. I wished you could have known how truly loved you were and always will be. I met so many people today that cared so much for you. I have been trying to stay strong, but I am so lost, numb, and angry without my best friend and not having seen you. I wished I could have done more to take away any burden you were bearing. Its too late to tell you how sorry I am; I vow to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I take comfort in knowing you are no longer in any pain, and that I have a big job to make sure your two pride and joys are well cared for. I will have lots of help!! Taking your two children home tonight and listening to them in the backseat playing and pestering each other, reminded me of you and I when we were little, deja vu at its best. I am doing my best not to be selfish and understand that your purpose in this world was fulfilled. Your service was beautiful. I will forever miss you my brother, my best friend.